AARGH!

How are the damn Germans doing so well? It makes me want to cry. England Ecuador today. Huge.

Get Off The Bandwagon And Put Down The Brazil Flag

Where's your sense of fucking pride?

Le Grand Singe

Great news! I got the job in Paris. I start in October and get paid an absolute bomb. I think I might take Paul with me - we'll live like absolute fucking kings. Just gotta start looking for some accomodation, and brush up on the French.

Knockout Stages

I haven't written anything for ten days now, because I've been busy working to pass my year abroad. I appear to be entitled to some more money, so I should be able to pay off my debts with Deutsche Bank.

Today is the first day of the World Cup knockout stages, and also high time for the Germans to fuck off out of their own tournament. COME ON SWEDEN! It's only 11am and the noise in Munich is epic - I can hear people singing and blowing those twatty horns all the way from the town centre. You won't be singing tonight you bastards.

The Olympic Stadium in Berlin - the World Cup final will be held here.

World Cup 2006 - Day 2

ENGLAND 1-0 Paraguay
Sweden 0-0 Trinidad & Tobago
Argentina 3-1 Ivory Coast

Plenty of falling over and feigning agony today - little else to be expected from two South American sides. I can't wait to see the Italians get going. Why even bother having a ball? Just set up a big crashmat in the penalty area and we're away.

Great start for England. Well...for the first twenty minutes anyway. We dominated the first half, then wanked around for the remaining fourty-five. We seriously need Rooney back. Still, it's all about the points at the moment, so no need to panic.

The Argies, in spite of their stupid hair and impeccable diving skills, looked very dangerous indeed. I can see them going all the way to the final (where they could face England). Saviola is an absolute animal.

World Cup 2006 - Day 1

Germany 4-2 Costa Rica
Poland 0-2 Ecuador

Damn Germans. They pull out the shittest team since the fourties and still manage to draw a piss-easy group. They
may be celebrating tonight, but conceding twice against one of the wankest teams in the tournament just proves how
shit they are. Costa Rica looked like they would have struggled in the English Conference.

Bit of a shocker for Poland. The atmosphere in Warsaw is pretty grim now. Ecuador looked pacey and interesting -
could be one of the surprise sides for the competition. Apparently the Republic of Ireland have backed Poland as
their team for the World Cup (nothing to do with them being the bookies favourites to face England in the first
knockout stage?). There was even a full pullout in the Irish newspapers, so I'm told.

WORLD CUP 2006

That's it now. Nothing is more important to me than England winning the World Cup. Nothing. Fuck university, forget about family and friends - If anyone needs me, I'll be in the pub for the next month.

Here's a list of things I want to happen during the tournament. For every tick in the box, Paul and I will be getting our asses out in Munich city centre:

1. The Germans lose their opening ceremony game in Munich.
2. France go out in the group stages, failing to score a single goal (...again).
3. Ronaldinho gets injured.
4. We thrash Germany in the last 16.
5. England put Brazil out of the tournament.

The World Cup itself spent some time in a case in Marienplatz. That's the closest the Germans are gonna be getting to it.

Big Monkey In Warsaw - Day 6

With one day to go until the World Cup, I decided to get some more sightseeing in:

My guide:

The view from the thirteenth floor:

The Old Town:

Going to court:

Paul in a few years time:

Big Monkey In Warsaw - Day 5

I've decided to stay in Poland a little while longer. I checked into my cheap hotel for another five days, but specifically requested tea with milk in the mornings and not that shitty coffee they keep bringing. I'm going to miss the first few days of the World Cup, but fuck it - I'll find a nice pub to watch the games in.

I went bowling in the afternoon, but I was too small to pick up the fucking balls.

Humiliated

Paul suggested that I get a collar and tag, in case I get lost again. I didn't really like the sound of it, but went along anyway. What I was NOT told, was that the collar would have a fucking bell on it! Why do I need a fucking bell?! I'm not even speaking to Paul at the moment. He can walk around Warsaw on his own.

Big Monkey In Warsaw - Day 4

I haven't smoked for over two weeks now, so I decided to treat myself to some cake and then go to a concert.

It was being held in Warsaw's biggest park, and it was fucking freezing. They seem pretty fond of Chopin here.

I went for a walk around afterwards. Maciek the Squirrel explained to me that he's often persecuted for his red fur. I told him that Paul had experienced similar difficulties:

I warmed myself up with some hot waffles and cream:

The floating palace on water - my future residence:

Big Monkey In Warsaw - Day 3

My breakfast arrived at 10am. Muppets. Still, it was nice to have it in bed.

I went for dinner at my housemate's gaff, even though he's still in Munich.

In the evening, Paul, Iza and I went to a party near the town centre. I drank three pints of lager, a glass of champagne, and I was absolutely fucking smashed. My alcohol tolerance has become embarrassingly poor since I gave up smoking. I don't know what the scientific explanation for that is, since I read once that smoking intensifies the effects of booze. Weird.

Big Monkey In Warsaw - Day 2

I got lumbered next to a massive fat woman with a big wart on the coach. I was on the cocking window-side too, so no chance of getting to the toilet after she passed out with her big fat mouth open. Eighteen hours with only five stops for air - I nearly died. I couldn't even get any food at the service station, because the feckin' fare had taken all of my Polish currency.

I got a taxi to my hotel, which to be honest was a bit of a shithole. I did only pay seventy quid for five days though - can't complain. I got it looking a little nice once I'd unpacked Paul's laptop and hung up my clothes.

I went downstairs to ask what time breakfast was served and the bloke just snapped, "Vell, ven do you vant it?" I said 1pm. He looked at me strangely and then nodded. I was pretty tired so I crashed for the afternoon - I love being a student.

Big Monkey In Warsaw - Day 1

It seems that whenever I try to go anywhere something fucks up. I arrived at the coach station horrifically early, but still had to queue behind a load of angry looking Polish women. When I got to the front of the line, the driver just brushed me away claiming my online ticket printout was invalid. Twat. He didn't speak any other language that Polish, so some random woman had to come and translate into German for Paul. We ran up to the ticket office with our bags, only to be told that the transaction had failed and we would need to pay the 80€ fare on the spot. The only cashpoint near the football stadium (which incidentally will host the opening game of the World Cup) was fucked, and the miserable hag wasn't having any of our Polish cash. Luckily for us the driver was able to change the Zloty back into Euros, so we could pay a single fare.