The Adventures Of Big Monkey

Studentenkonzentrationsanlage

Seriously, what the fuck is it with Germans and mornings? Today my contract expires on my apartment, but...instead of being allowed to vacate the premises and leave my key downstairs, I awoke, practically naked - cock in hand, at 7-fucking-AM, to see a fat little bald man with a clipboard standing over me. That must be illegal! Regardless of me being in student accommodation, I fail to see how it is acceptable to emerge from my slumber to find a fat caretaker staring at my crotch at the crack of dawn.

As punishment for being so horrendously German and unnecessarily efficient to the point of insanity, I have tidied my room and wedged a small (but effective) monkey stool between mattress and bed.

Fashion Show

Not feeling particularly chirpy about being fucked over by my former housemate, I woke Paul up by stamping on his face and then made him take me into Munich town centre to buy a new wardrobe...

Pyjamas - 125€ by

Sweater - 60€ by

Rainjacket - 240€ by

Blue Fleece - 25€ by

Kitchen Apron - 70€ by

Lord's Dinner Jacket - 375€ by

High Flyer's Fleece - 25€ by

Backpack - 55€ by

T-Shirt - 25€ by

Shades - 225€ by

Blue Sweater - 45€ by

Cap - 20€ by

Glasses - 225€ by

Christmas Hat - 27€ by

White T-Shirt - 15€ by

Scarf - 65€ by

Collar and Tag - 15€ by

Glow In The Dark Clubber's Pin - 5€ by

Down And Out In London, Munich & Paris

It's just about time for me to get the fuck out of here, but I can't do so until I've submitted my final essays. My contract for my apartment expires at the end of this month so I'm gonna get the train down to Villach and make Alberto pick me up on the Austro-Italian border - better remember my cocking passport this time. Paul's old dear has found a flight for the two us from Milan to Paris on the brutal cheap, but if I make it all the way from Munich to Udine to Milan, then fly to Orly with a guitar, a PS2, a Gamecube, a laptop, a suitcase, Paul, a MIDI keyboard, a stack of books and fuck knows what else, I'll eat my own tail. It's gonna be an absolute mission.

Leaving Munich

A short film by Big Monkey.

Copers' Last Night

I had braced myself for everyone to drop like flies, but when it actually happened it hit hard. Lynsey was the first to go, so we of course had a big fat party. I don't even know where all this came from...nor do I remember what happened after I drank it:

I hate goodbyes.

Paul had clearly had enough:

We were gonna use this thing to get to the airport:

No comment:

Clearly we're not allowed to show anus on Photobucket.

I'll Show YOU Pfand

The Germans operate a strict regime of recycling, which means you pay a small deposit on bottles (Pfand) and if you take them back to the shop you get it back. We figured we were owed a pretty hefty amount from all the beer we'd thrashed through:

Scheine

It's finally time to collect some certificates from my university in Munich. I got in touch with my coordinator back at home, so I feel a little better now. However, I do feel that my real achievement for the year comes in the form of 'Beer Wall'. Isn't she beautiful? She got so big that she collapsed just before Trinksmachine took the photos:

Munich Zoo

My website has take some brutal damage. First of all, I have to crack on with these essays to make sure I don't fuck up my year abroad. Secondly, Paul dropped our camera in Berlin so now I have to get other people to take photos for me.

As punishment for being such a grotesque retard, I ordered Paul to take me to Munich Zoo. Their ape section is phenomenal - it was worth the 6€.

I tried to make a bit of cash selling raffle tickets: