Dio Cane

Today I managed to haul myself out of bed and meet my boss. The school is one hour and fourty motherfucking minutes away from my gaff, and Paul got us lost for almost an hour. She didn't seem to mind too much and gave me the syllabus for what I'll have to teach. I'm sure the kids will appreciate a monkey rolling in stinking of booze and fags to teach them Spot The Dog and John The Friendly Alligator. It's going to be an interesting year.



All together children, "He's coked off his tits at the Red Lion."

Bum

I've not been feeling too great. I'm blaming it on the change in climate and Paul's poor hygiene. Today I mooched about in my room for seven hours and then went to the bakery and bought a tuna baguette for tea. Tomorrow I have to meet my boss to sign some legal documents and blah blah, but i'm so bone idle I can't even remember where I put the telephone number to call in sick. I may actually have to leave my gaff. Shit.

A Mess In Montparnasse

I'm trying to apply for a slightly more prestigious job in central Paris, but unfortunately I don't have any decent trousers to wear to the interview so I made Paul take me to the main shopping district to try some out. His shitty navigational skills got us completely lost for a good hour. Tomorrow I'm going into town on my own.

Having a fight outside The Louvre

Big Monkey In Italy - Part One

It was nice to finally get some sun on my disgracefully pale fur. Paul was as white as a sheet so I could see him feeling the benefits. I went for some quality Italian espresso with Alberto and Viola, then got some sightseeing in.

I didn't have much cash left after blowing a small fortune on beer in Munich, but it wasn' too expensive. I spent most of the time chilling out at Fonz's gaff.

I'm getting fat again, because I started pigging out on wine, pasta and banana icecream all day - there was no shortage...

Fonz, Goro and Fabio

Udine by night

Leaving Munich - The Real Deal

With the loss of Copers, Cripsy, Dermo, Rim and Esco Munich just wasn't the same, so I decided to pack up my shit and move on - a cheap train ticket down to Austria. I had an insane amount of stuff, but Lea offered to help me lug it to Hauptbahnhof - I would have been pretty much fucked otherwise. Luckily for me the change was at one of my favourite towns, so I stopped to have lunch.

Alberto drove to pick Paul and I up from Villach, just on the Austro-Italian border. We decided to get one final Wiener Schnitzel in then hit the road.

"Mate, I wanted to come earlier and pick up a load of Austrian food and shit to take back to Italy, but I accidentally got stoned and was late."

Ape Fanclub

I checked my blog today and found I've had over 2000 hits since January. This is very satisfying news. I just need another eight hundred thousand odd and I can approach Google for some cash - I certainly need it. Paris is as expensive as hell, and my non-smoking efforts went down the shitter along with Paul's attempts to do anything productive since he arrived.

To show my gratitude to all those who've visited my site, I shall now be updating on a regular basis. I can't promise photos or anything particularly in-depth, but I will try to add a daily summary of my antics.

Nicorape

Today is day three of our giving up smoking campaign. Paul has contemplated throwing himself into the Seine.

Le Grand Singe

I'm afraid I have no time to write about my adventures at the moment. I'm also continually plagued with shitty internet connections. For this I apologise.

EU

I checked my domain accounts today and it turns out that I actually own www.bigmonkey.eu as well as my standard blog. Weird. Apparently it's kind of reserved for official European websites and the like, so have this you bastards. How about a monkey as a diplomat? I've linked .eu to my blog too, so if anyone wants to save some typing time...

I think I might eventually use it to host my new record label. Mal sehen.

Il Grande Bastardo Retarde

Paul clearly has some kind of problem with passports and engaging his microscopic brain. We're supposed to be flying out of here on the twelfth, but the dick left his passport in a small town on the way to Venice. Two hours driving in the pelting sun just to retrieve it. I seem to be persistently disgusted with his stupidity and as punishment have forced him to buy me a new (and painfullly expensive) camera.

One Foot In Front Of The Other

The world's got me dizzy again.
You'd think after twenty-two years I'd be used to the spin.
And it only feels worse when I stay in one place,
So I'm always pacing around or walking away.

I'm leaving Italy in two days. I've just gotta connect up my new camera and install the drivers for its little docking bay thing so I can update this cazzo. Wait with bated breath...

Mosquito Massacre

Fucking mosquitos. I had hoped that my fur would protect me, but no such luck. Paul's being twatted nightly by the little bastards.